dogs

Ready for this?
I was walking to my car. this hot stranger walking his dog. Then his dog began gagging and threw up. Nothing normal...this dog was seriously ill. So can you imagine what happened...knowing me? Yes. I threw up. Next to the dogs. It came so fast. The dog looked up at me, then the guy did. He said, you okay? I said, "it was your dogs fault" and ran to my car.  Awesome.

#2

This happened awhile back. Enjoy.

Okay.
I am in my car having just pulled up to a stop light and I look to my right and what do I see but a man taking a dump (pooping!) next to a solitary tree on the side of the road. Not in a bunch of trees, not close to someone's house... nope... right there, right next to the road. Moon and all for everyone to see. Thank you sir.

Next time I see poo on the grass I will forever wonder who left it there.

God bless America.

facial

A homeless man sitting next to me suddenly screamed "the world is sinning on your face."

Dating in Utah

A man on trax said to me "I know I can trust you." To which I replied, I am glad... how so? "Your hair." Then he scooted close to me and said "Can I take you to dinner and tell you about the Book of Mormon."

So... I guess I have dinner plans.

cranky neighbors

Just overheard this conversation outside my window.
"Kate! Are you cranky!?"
"Yes, Janet, Leave my boyfriend alone, and I will stop being cranky."

So THAT was awesome.

Amy Grant is sad sometimes

A man just stopped me and said "The thing about Amy Grant, is that sometimes she just has bad days." I said "Don't we all, don't we all."
Then we both went on our way. 
Sort of awesome.

Sometimes it IS the best.

An old woman walking out a the bathroom at the same time as me turned and said "sometimes pooing is just the best!"

unhappy couple

Passed a man whose lady looked upset. As I passed he handed me a condom and said "Here, I won't be needing this tonight."

 Thanks? 

Sorry?

I quit smoking.

I pulled one of those white bic pens out of my purse and held it in my mouth while I continued to look for a piece of paper when a homeless man across the road screamed "Just QUIT, you're destroying the world!!" I thought about it for a second and then took the pen out of my mouth, pretended to squash it into the ground and then screamed back "done and done!" and walked away. Now I am out a pen.

May Die Later

I get some kind of gold medal for not punching the old lady who sneezed in my face on trax.., right? RIGHT?!

gorgeous or gross?

Just watched this gorgeous girl pluck a long black hair out of her chin. Won't lie... It was a great moment.

 

#Trax

spin it out.

I thought I'd look ridiculous when I closed my eyes and spun in circles while it rained and i was waiting for trax, but when I opened my eyes there were 5 others doing it with me. Awesome!!

#Trax

High Five

A man next to me farted. Let me clarify. Something foul exploded in his pants. The he gave a huge sigh of relief and said "That's needed to happen for a whole day!" So I didn't what any normal, well-adjusted, girl would do and I laughed hysterically and have him a high five. Cause that's what my cool gloves tell me to do.

love

Waiting for Trax. A homeless couple slow dances amidst the flurries of snow. They don't look cold, just happy.

I'd choose homeless to be loved like that woman was.

I'm just cold.

Lovely.

Man next to me on trax. 

Makes a disturbed face and then quickly says to me "I'm so sorry!" 

Just as a rank fart ripped from his body. 

Lovely.

Hey lady in the minivan right in front me that just chucked a dirty diaper out your window in the middle lane of the freeway... 

 

What?!

Anyone else confused?

A girl (20?) starts mouthing off to her mother. Her mom turns to her and screams "DON'T YOU YELL, OR I WON'T GET YOU PREGNANT!"

From the mouths of babes

Child walked up to a bum on Trax, hands him a cracker, smiles and says "Mom doesn't let me eat until I take a bath, so you must be hungry!"

And then she was gone.

An angel spontaneously combusted here.

Either that or a stripper.

Reading is bad.

Kids! Lets go to the librar...
Never mind. Get back in the car.

No, I am!

A group of men are in a deep discussion as which of them look most like Johnny Depp.

I now assume this is what all men discuss in groups.

Growing up

Overheard this in the bathroom...

Rated: uncomfortably hilarious!

Setting: A little girl and her mother in a stall.

Little Girl: mom, what's this?
Mom: a small trash can, don't touch it.
Little Girl: mom!! Someone died in the trash can!!
Mom: I said don't touch it!!
Little Girl: We need to take it out.
Mom: Do NOT touch it.
Little Girl: ::screaming:: Dad says when the trash is full we need to take it OUT!!!!
Mom: at OUR house!

Mom drags the little girl out kicking and screaming about her responsibilities to take the trash out and her concerns as to what may have died in the mini trash can glued to the wall in the ladies restroom.

So... There's THAT

Taking things into my own hands

Two boys stood next to my stopped car. One hauled off and hit the other. I yelled "Don't hit!!" 

Surprised he turned and said "sorry dude."

 #makingtheworldbetter 

people?

I've already seen 5 people dressed as poison ivy this morning.

I say "people" because I'm not sure the sex of three of them.

So basically I'm saying its gonna be a good day.

#Trax
#NotHalloween

Elbows.

At a light a scowling lady rolled her windows down to talk to me. She then continued to yell at me for my general indecency! Then I realized she was referring the a poster board I have in my back seat for a Bridal Shower Game called "Which body part belongs to the groom!"

HYSTERICAL.

I didn't correct her because I didn't realize THAT is what she was yelling at, and she drove away before I could correct her judgmental words. lovely.

Meanwhile, you can enjoy what she saw in my back seat... and you can be scandalized by elbows and eyebrows... ELBOWS I SAY!!

Laughter is the best medicine

Walking towards trax and a woman in front of me lifts up her left arm, reaches around, tickles herself and then giggle-screams!

I guess if ya gotta laugh, you find a way.

#Trax

No tomatoes, please.

I said no tomatoes on my sandwich.
Then I pulled to the stop sign, opened my sandwich, saw the tomato, took it off, rolled down my window, chucked it out the window.
THEN it hit the window of the car next to me... And stuck there.

Could I have paid more attention to what I was doing?
Could I have NOT chucked a tomato out of my car?
Could I have just waited to dispose of my tomato?

Probably. But that didn't happened.

So I maintained eye contact with the tomato hit car driver and smiled awkwardly as I waived.

I was hoping the story ended with him getting my number, he didn't think any of this was the least bit endearing.

Tally ho!

Meth Habits of LDS people

At church a girl gave a talk on "breaking bad habits" ... So I spent the rest of the hour pondering the end of the meth situation in NM.... Naturally.

#Church

Dark alley corner

Walking in the dark along a strip mall and there are some manikans in a window and so I say, out loud, "CREEPY!!" Just as I approach a man bent over in the corner smoking next to my destination.

I almost said, "not you" but then I thought "you too!!"

#NotTrax

Trying to pretend to ignore you.

That moment when you put your phone to your ear as you pass someone you don't want to talk to and Siri says "I don't understand, Are you trying to place a fake phone all?"

Vixen. Calling me out like that.

#Trax

Today, the crazy is me.

On trax with a long bow ... Everyone's question: "are you hunting today?"

Yes, with my purple tights... On trax... Good deductive skills.

On the flip side, I'm sure someone has tweeted "on trax with a girl who has a long bow! #hunting"

BFF or Death?

Girl sitting across from me is wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt, fake zombie teeth, and is carrying an enterprise figure that it looks like she just finished painting--according to the corresponding paint on her hands.

We keep making eye contact.

So... I'm either going to die or I just met my new best friend.

 
#Trax

Is this what it feels like to drown?

The guy next to me is feverishly digging something out of his teeth with just his tongue. He sure does have a LOT of saliva working in there.


#Trax

Don't worry, I will call that in.

I caught a live one on trax this morning.

The following all came from the same middle aged woman in nice khaki slacks, and a light pink cardigan with perfectly sprayed back bangs in a Kathy Lee and Hoda kind of way:

"Woah! Holy cow guys! Look at that crazy man!" She loudly exclaims as she points to a man wearing a hospital mask for germs waiting to get on trax.

Interrupting someone giving directions to someone from out of town, "It's just south of the store in the mall that has 20% off their gross earrings!"

Just before trax pulled up to Gallivan station, it didn't make an audible announcement and so she loudly proclaimed "Oh my! They didn't announce the station... Don't worry. I got this. I have them on speed dial... Hello Marsha! Yes, they didn't announ... *GALLIVAN STOP*... oh nevermind Marsha... there it went." ::puts phone away, happy she did the right thing::

#Trax

Deaf or not?

Lady and I make small talk and then. she asks me for a pen and paper.

I give it to her.

She writes: "I'm deaf, can you spare $2 so I can buy food."

She walks up and down the aisles showing it to people.

I am baffled.

#Trax

My future husband

Important Questions

An old man stopped me and asked "Did you get my email?"
So I said "yes" because he seemed really concerned.

Making people feel better one lie at a time.

#Trax

Slide Show

This one is going through all of her photos and giving us a personal slide show of everything she's ever taken a photo of.

To everyone/no one... Although we never saw the photos she did a great job describing them.

"This one is muffin. He's licking my mail after I said no three times. Sometimes his long fur gets stuck on the envelope and I have to use peanut butter to get him un stuck which makes me angry cause I only like to eat it on bread."

#Trax

 

I can smell you.

Hey lady eating beef jerky AND a baggie of tuna... You win.

The only thing that you could add is if you were painting your nails.

Also, I may totally eat that for dinner so I can't hate her forever... just for the next fifteen minutes.

#Trax